Letterbox
by Shirakawa Myself
Summary: Short one-shot about Tai being a silly idiot. Matt and Tk get mad, Tai gets angry at Izzy, everybody is annoyed with Tai. Rated T for cursing just to be safe. Two pairings but not a huge amount of focus on them, if any.


**Short one-shot. I was bored. Tai is yet again the victim of stupidity (always seems to be him and Davis, doesn't it? Poor boys). Anyway: on with the (badly constructed) story.**

_--_

"Touch it."

"No way! I'm not touching that! I don't know where it's been!"

"Well, how are you going to move it?"

"I'm not going to … you are … "

"Matt! Older brothers are supposed to protect their siblings!"

"Not this time Teeks: you're on your own,"

"He's _your_ friend!"

" … and … ?"

Something matted and dirty brown moved slightly and caught Tk's eye, wide open with sincere fright.

"Matt! Do something before it starts to spread!"

A soft groaning started from the floor and rose upwards, gaining in intensity as it approached about midriff height.

"Uh … my head … ow … what the fu - ?!"

"Tai, shut up! You'll wake the neighbours! Geez, have some consideration for other people, will you?"

Opening the door of his apartment, careful to leave the chain on, Matt glared at Tai's bush of unruly hair, which had now at least been raised from the floor and no longer threatened to engulf the apartment. His - now perhaps former - friend raised his head groggily and gazed at him blearily.

"Matt."

"Tai."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"No."

"It's important."

"No."

"It could save my life."

"Your life doesn't need saving."

Tai glanced at his shoulder, then up to his elbow, and up to his wrist. He couldn't get any further than that.

"Oh really? Then why are you holding me hostage?"

"WE'RE NOT HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE! NOW GET OFF MY BROTHER'S PROPERTY!" Tk bellowed through the letterbox of the door, hurriedly wiping his mouth for fear he had come into contact with something unsanitary.

"Hey, that tickles! Weren't you the one telling me not to wake the neighbours a minute ago?" Tai attempted to peer through the letterbox to see Tk; unfortunately, this put him in a rather uncomfortable position and he stopped.

"No, Tai, that was me. That was because they are very nice people and I don't think they appreciate an overgrown kid spending the night on my doorstep." Matt, now leaning against the doorframe, calmly told his confused friend.

"I couldn't help it! You are holding me prisoner!"

"I am not. You are holding yourself prisoner. Frankly, I don't see how you could sleep with your arm two feet above your head, but that's your problem. My problem is how to get you off my property."

Tai once again stared at his arm, as if wondering where it had gone. "That's a point, how _did_ I sleep … hang on, why were you trying to post me through the letterbox?"

Tk and Matt exchanged an exasperated look that said it all: if we ignore him, perhaps he'll go away.

Abruptly, the front door closed and Tai was left calling through the keyhole of the front door to the sounds of breakfast from within the apartment. He would have used the letterbox, but he had now discovered that his hand was in the way. Life sucked, especially when your hand was of the shape that would fit _in_ to a rectangle, but not _out_.

--

Tk eyed his cereal warily; not that he didn't trust his brother's choice in food, but he did have a certain tendency to ignore the use-by date. Shrugging and spooning a mouthful of soggy cornflakes into his mouth, he kept one eye on the front door whilst making conversation with his brother.

"What are you going to do?"

"Me? I'm going to band practice, then going to the cinema with Mimi and Kari, Sora if she wants to come, watching that cooking show on tv, then going back to bed. You?"

" … that wasn't what I meant."

"I know. But he got himself into it - literally - so he can get himself out."

"Isn't that kind of harsh?"

"Your point?"

"Kari will want to know where he is, though … "

"You have a lot to learn. Why do you think I'm taking the girls out?"

Matt belched and pushed his chair out. "Your turn to do the washing up. See you later - and stay away from Tai. He might have germs."

"Mm-hmm."

--

A mobile beeped somewhere, beneath the towering heap of laundry Izzy couldn't seem to stop forming in his room.

"I'm coming … shut up … "

_Click_.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Izz, it's Kari. Have you seen my brother? He didn't come home last night - you went out with him and the rest of the guys, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I left early, I had to upload some stuff - want me to help you find him?"

"Please. Five minutes?"

"Done."

--

Izzy arrived at the Kamiya residence deep in thought, strolling along with, as usual, his laptop in his hands. As Kari opened the door Izzy carried on mid-sentence as if they had already been carrying on a conversation. She was used to it.

"But I thought he was coming home because your folks were out and he didn't want to leave you on your own?"

"No, that's what he told Mum and Dad. What he meant, if you read between the lines, was 'Kari I'm going out, I'll be back but if you want to get to sleep before four am, don't wait up.' "

"Oh."

"Who else went last night, Izz? You're quite useless, no offence, hun."

"None taken. Let's see … I distinctly remember Joe bailing on us again … and Tk, Davis and Ken were doing their own thing … we didn't bother calling Cody - "

"Izzy!"

" - so there was just me, Matt and Tai."

Kari raised her eyebrow sceptically. So much for the guys and their 'male bonding' time; not that she had expected much of them in the first place.

"To Matt's place?"

"To Matt's place."

--

"Tai, let me out … "

"No."

"Let me out!"

"No."

"Please let me out,"

"No."

"I'll break your dirty defenceless fingers!"

"No. Anyway, you wouldn't do that, Tk. You're the nice one."

"Why does everybody say that?"

"Because you are."

"God, I wish Kari was here; she'd sort you out."

"You're in luck. I distinctly see her hair coming up the stairs. But don't think that I will let you out of your apartment just because of that. You shouldn't have held me hostage in the first place."

"I'm not holding you hostage, for the last time!"

"Don't lie to me."

Tk tried in vain to poke his head through the gap between doorframe and door chain: for the past hour and a half he had attempted to get out of the apartment, but with Tai leaning on the door from the outside, he couldn't even move the chain, let alone take it off.

"Goddammit Tai, move your ass before I get Kari to hurt you!"

"Getting a girl to do your dirty work for you? That's low."

Tai cheerily hailed his sister as she ascended the last few steps of the apartment building.

"Kari! Nice to see you! Izzy, where did you - WHY ARE YOU HOLDING MY SISTER'S HAND?!"

Ducking down behind the stairwell, only the top of Izzy's beetroot red face could be seen. "Um … I'm helping her overcome her fear of the male race instilled in her by an overprotective brother since the day she was born?"

"Honestly, Izz, I don't think that's helping much, do you?" whispered Kari as she dragged him by his collar up to the Ishida doorway. "Good morning, Tk, I see that you are trapped in your apartment. Thank you for finding my brother for me, I appreciate it," she grinned brightly.

"Um … okay … I think … " Tk's eyes wandered over to Izzy, who seemed to be finding the balcony rail extremely interesting indeed.

" … am I missing something?"

"No."

"Definitely not."

"YOU'RE TAINTING MY SISTER! I'M GOING TO KI - ow."

Izzy's expression brightened considerably when he realised that Tai was constrained by a letterbox. Then he simply looked mightily confused, making the others giggle a little. Even Tk, not helping the manly image he was trying to create for himself.

Izzy gingerly hit speed dial on his mobile and winced as Matt's voice shot an angry 'Who is it this time?' at him.

"Uh .. It's Izzy. Did you know - "

"Tai's still there? Don't touch him. Don't go near him. Don't even talk to him."

"He's holding your brother hostage. I just thought you might want to know."

"He's stuck in a letterbox, how can anybody in that situation possible hold somebody hostage?"

"It's possible and he's bloody doing it so I'd appreciate it if you GOT HERE NOW!" yelled Tk, somewhat muffled by the fact that he was running into the door. Since Tai was bigger, heavier, and stronger than him, all this achieved was a very sore shoulder. Scowling, Tk glared at Izzy.

"Now you've made him angry. Stop looking at Kari! You're making him worse!"

"Why is Izzy looking at Kari? What's going on? Should I be there?" asked Matt.

"YES!" cried Tk desperately.

--

Sora eyed the letterbox with interest, poking Tai's wrist every now and again, causing him to wince in between death glares at Izzy, countered only by his sister's snorts aimed at him.

"Yes, I can see the problem here. I think I can help." Sora concluded.

"Well?" grunted Tai; he was starting to become sore.

"You're stuck in a letterbox." she said with the air of solving a great mystery. Four pairs of eyes met hers with incredulous stares - Tk was finding it hard to stare at her due to the fact that he was now charging from the opposite end of the apartment.

"Well, I'm glad we've solved _that_ mystery. Shall we go home now, Tai?" asked Kari.

"Sora, I let you come along because you said you could help," said Matt, leaning his head against the balcony rail as he sank to the floor.

"No, you assumed that. I just wanted to see Tai stuck in a box," said Sora happily, "And now I've done that, yes Kari, I would be quite happy to go home now."

"No! How am I going to tell my parents that their one and only son is stuck in a letterbox and I walked off and left him because we couldn't be bothered to help?!"

"Why would you want to help him?" muttered an angry Tk.

"Maybe we should comeback tomorrow and see if he's in a better mood," suggested Izzy.

"You're only saying that because you're hoping that tomorrow he'll be too weak to kill you." said Matt bluntly.

"That was part of the plan, yes."

"Izzy?"

"Y-yes, Tai?"

"No matter what, you will always be my friend, you know that, right? So I want you to know that I cannot be held responsible for my actions as a friend and am acting solely because it is my duty as an older brother to protect my sister from dating people who are going to ruin her social life and make her even more of a nerd than she already is. Okay?"

"Tai, you can't stop me from having Izzy as my boyfr - "

"DON'T SAY THE WORD!"

"Um … okay … "

"No, it's not okay! Stand up to him! Take it like a man, Izz!"

" … but he's not a man, is he? … "

Tai's head whipped round faster than a very fast thing. "What was that, Tk?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Don't worry about it."

"Did you just call me a woman?" demanded Izzy.

"Actually, he didn't." said Tai smugly.

"No, but he implied it! I'm not comfortable with you people discussing my sexuality in front of Kari!"

"What, so we can do it if she's not here?" asked Sora hopefully, "Kari, go home, I want to hear this."

"Hell no! My brother is stuck to the door! I'm not leaving him!"

"Well you're the only one that feels that way … "

"SHUT UP TK I DIDN'T ASK YOU!"

Tk cringed from Kari's face thrust through the gap in the door. He suddenly remembered why Davis got scared of her sometimes … and why Tai ended up going on shopping trips without ever remembering agreeing to it … oh God, she was going to take him Christmas shopping this year, he just knew it …

"Um … Tai?"

"What do you want, hatboy?"

"I'm not even wearing my hat! But could you move your hand a bit?"

"Why? Is it bothering you? I think it's fine where it is, thank you."

"Well I don't. Get your hand off my crotch."

Matt shot to his feet. "Tai, stop molesting my brother! You dirty pervert, that's the only reason you got your hand stuck in there in the first place!"

"No! No no no no no! I didn't mean - Kari, help me!"

Sora poked Tai's hand again, this time a bit harder.

"STOP GANGING UP ON ME!"

Sora stepped back thoughtfully. "How did you get your hand stuck in there again?"

"_I_ didn't get it stuck … I think … "

"Uh-huh. So it got there all by itself, did it?"

"Probably."

Tk smacked his head against the wall.

Matt smacked his fist into the door just beside Tai's head. Leaning close, he said very quietly, "Tai. Tell me, what did you do after we left the bar?"

"Uh … well … I followed you for a bit - "

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"I was gonna pretend to be Jigsaw and come out on a little tricycle - "

"You don't even _have_ a tricycle,"

"You're right."

Matt stared at him. Tai blinked. "What?"

Matt shook his head. "Nothing. What did you do once I got back to my apartment, i.e. here, the place where you got your hand stuck in the door?"

"Let's see … I was hungry … and I thought you cooked good … so I wanted to get into the apartment … "

"Oh, God … " moaned Kari, marvelling at what she knew was her brother's upcoming stupidity.

" … so I saw your keys on the hall desk … and they looked really near … and I was so hungry … "

Tai grinned up at Matt, "Hey, maybe you weren't holding me hostage after all!"

"You THINK?" yelled Tk, now slumped sulkily against the door.

"Then I was really tired, so I thought I'd eat in the morning. So I went to sleep."

"With your hand in the door?" asked Izzy.

"Got a problem with that, loverboy?" snarled Tai.

"No, no problem, I have no problem with that … " cowered Izzy. Kari rolled her eyes pitilessly.

"Tai, can you take your hand _out_ of the letterbox?" demanded Sora, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Um … I dunno … I haven't tried … do you think I should?"

Matt contemplated throwing himself off the balcony. It was too much for his poor, troubled soul to bear, it really was.

Without waiting for Sora's reply, Tk grabbed Tai's hand from the other side and pushed.

"Wow!" said Tai, rubbing his hand thoughtfully. "Thanks, Teeks!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Matt calls you that!"

"That's because I can't stop him!"

"But you can't stop me either."

"Kari can."

"She doesn't want to. She's too busy with - IZZY!"

Izzy gulped, took one look at Tai, and pelted down the stairs, Tai not far behind.

Tk peered out from behind the door. "Is it safe?"

"Yes, Teeks."

"Stop it."

"No, Teeks."

Sora linked her arm with Kari and escorted her into the Ishida apartment. "Let's wait here till our boyfriends have stopped killing each other."

"Agreed."

--

**Hmm … the things I will do to avoid revision. Anyway, don't know why I put an IzzyxKari pairing in there, but I've never actually read one and thought at least Tai could be reasonably angry at someone, not just the brothers. I may have implied MattxSora, but for some reason changed it at the end.**

**Read and review, if you don't mind **


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